FORGIVENESS IS EARNED

                                                                rolandtroves.blogspot.com


        In social interactions we sometimes offend and are offended. That is why those who teach values in society taught us to say 'sorry'. Being sorry of course presupposes that we realized that we have offended; that we are remorseful. But being sorry and actually saying we are sorry could be as far apart as the South Pole from the North Pole.

        When we offend or hurt someone, it is not enough for us to feel sorry or remorseful about the offence. We need to take the crucial step of telling the offended party that we are sorry. Saying we are sorry implies that we seek forgiveness from the one we have offended. Some people will even go further by actually asking for forgiveness. But whether or not  we ask for forgiveness, sincerely saying that we are sorry for our offence is usually sufficient to earn us forgiveness.This has long been the moral and biblical prerequisite for forgiveness. It is therefore baffling to see that urging someone to forgive those who wrong them has now
been reduced to psychobabble.

        The following are some relevant scriptures.

                 So they sent word to Joseph, saying "....Now please forgive the sins of the servants
                 of the God of your father". When their message came to him, Joseph wept.
                 [ Gen 50:16 - 17 ]

                 If a person sins and does what is forbidden in any of the LORD's commands.....
                 He is to bring to the priest as a guilt offering a ram from the flock.... the priest will
                 make atonement for him..... and he will be forgiven. [ Lev 5:17 - 18 ]

                 Aaron .... said to Moses, "Please, my lord, do not hold against us the sin we have
                 foolishly committed. [ Num 12:10 - 11 ]

                 When the heavens are shut up and there is no rain because your people have
                 sinned against you, and when they pray....and confess your name and turn from
                 their sin....then....forgive the sin of your servants.....[ II Chr 6:26 - 27 ]

                 When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain.....if my people.....will humble
                 themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will
                 I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
                 [ II Chr 7:13 - 14 ]

                 .....I confess the sins we Israelites, including myself and my father's house, have
                 committed against you. [ Neh 1:6 ]

                 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your
                 great compassion blot out my transgression.  [ Ps 51:1 ]

                 But unless you repent, you.....will all perish.  [ Lk 13:5 ]

                 If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against
                 you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent',
                 forgive him.  [ Lk 17:3 - 4 ]

        From a purely biblical point of view therefore, it is very disturbing when someone is being asked to forgive somebody for an offence they are not sorry for. To be sure, forgiveness is not a light switch that the aggrieved party can simply flip on or off at will. It is something that can only be evoked by repentance. Forgiveness is the reward of repentance.

        The question arises: How do I forgive someone who offended me long ago and with whom I no longer have any contact whatsoever? Unless a part of you perceives in any way that the offender, with whom you no longer have contact, now feels remorse for what he did, you will not be able to forgive him. Or the question: How do I forgive someone who is dead? The simple answer is, you can't. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it, beside letting God heal your wounds and moving on with your life.

        How can you honestly say you have forgiven someone who robbed you blind and is boasting to his friends about his prowess, while you languish in financial misery? How do you forgive a faceless arsonist who made all your belongings to go up in flames? Granting forgiveness is not a cosmetic act. Indeed there are offences that people commit for which repentance is not sufficient atonement. They will still need to do what is called restitution. This is a form of restoration which involves giving back what we have wrongfully taken.

        Your inability to forgive in the absence of repentance is not something God holds against you, as the common practice seems to suggest. God does not expect you to grant forgiveness where there is no repentance. If God cannot forgive us unless we repent, how can we be expected to do otherwise? The emotional turmoil we sometimes feel because of the hurts we suffered in the past is not partly or wholly brought on by our inability to forgive the ones who hurt us. It is simply because the hurts are emotional wounds which need time and therapy to heal.

        If the offenders endeavour to summon the courage to send you a message or even come to you to tell you they are sorry, in such a situation, that becomes part of your healing process. If not, you will find your healing through other means. There are different kinds of drug for an ailment. Don't let anyone bully you, through whatever guise, into granting forgiveness that has not been provoked by repentance. That is not in your power to do. ***